Ode To kx5

An extemporaneous sonnet written to my dear friend kx5 upon the dubious honor of Shakespeare lecture with Professor Cunningham (quite possibly the hottest piece of ass in the English Department):

How then shall I mention Kyle's buttcheeks?
Thou supple, silky founts of creamy bliss!
Look on them, Eyes, and turn to flowing creeks--
Behold his Pearly Gates-- God's Own Chalice!
Contained within: Ambrosia mortals miss,
Holy Conflagration turned to pillowy sweet
My breath runs short-- sweet nothings turn to "hisssss...!"
Or as a goat, who supplicates: "Ble-eaaat!"
Suffer me to suckle at they nether teat!
You tease me cruel; my tiny heart doth crackle,
Smolder, smoke, and stumbling skip a beat--
Were you drywall, oh, I'd be your spackle.
Subversive flatt'ry-- I'm a leaking spigot,
Get away from me, you filthy faggot!