I will make a fantastic father.

Taking a break at work, I was privy to a most touching moment. There was a family with a toddler. Family (apparently) wished to take a photo together on the steps of the library, and Toddler was-- as his ilk is wont to do-- walking around aimlessly.

Father, taking charge of the situation, calls out to his son, "Come on [Toddler]. We're going over here now." Surprisingly nonplussed, Toddler continues walking around, cooing to himself. Father is in a tight spot. Of a sudden, inspiration strikes!

"[Toddler], free candy over here!"

Toddler comes immediately into Father's ostensibly candy-bearing arms, and Family takes a Charming Potrait in front of Powell Library.

...No candy is dispensed.

I finish my cigarette, laughing as I vow to myself that I will make it a point to lie to my children constantly. I will make a fantastic father.