Home. Miles And Miles. To Be Able.
What is it about being Home that makes me so depressed?
God help me, I really just want to be happy when I'm here. I'd even settle for neutral. Anything but this relentlessly self-critical, self-consuming something.
This is what I get for keeping everyone at an emotional distance. When I really just need a fucking hug, I've pushed you all miles and miles away.
I want summer session to start. I want to be back in LA.
Scratch that, I want to be able to deal with this place. And not have to run away to LA everytime it starts to pull me under. Twenty years, and I've only learned how to run away from this house, this city, this goddamned context. I want to be able to deal with this fucking place.
I don't know why it does this to me. Everytime. But I want to be able to deal with this fucking place.
God help me, I really just want to be happy when I'm here. I'd even settle for neutral. Anything but this relentlessly self-critical, self-consuming something.
This is what I get for keeping everyone at an emotional distance. When I really just need a fucking hug, I've pushed you all miles and miles away.
I want summer session to start. I want to be back in LA.
Scratch that, I want to be able to deal with this place. And not have to run away to LA everytime it starts to pull me under. Twenty years, and I've only learned how to run away from this house, this city, this goddamned context. I want to be able to deal with this fucking place.
I don't know why it does this to me. Everytime. But I want to be able to deal with this fucking place.
posted by Unknown at 5:26 AM
5 Comments:
i'm sorry :-(
i don't even go home anymore- and it used to be a place i loved. first year, went home every weekend.
now- you have to drag me there by hand.
I hate going home too because my parents are kind of crazy. But we ARE Taiwanese.
me too, my friend. i hate my mother. even when she's [pretending to be] nice.
chilai! chilai! chilai! chilai!
hi eric. man, do i know. asian parents are the hardest to be confrontational with because there's that awful tradition of respect your elders, aka keep your fucking mouth shut. can't really offer anything 'cept empathy. good luck at home keeping your head above water.
p.s. whatever happened to us? we used to be good friends. (i miss you.)
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